I am puke
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
