so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
there was a trapeze. enough said
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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