I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
