Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
