i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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