Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
