I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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