i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
