i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
