Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
