"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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