can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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