I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
