I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
