I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Randomize
