I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
