I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
