You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
