You're my little dorito
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
