he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
