Heybabeimwearingurpanties
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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