I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
