WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
