I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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