So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I still have a little drunk in my system
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
