best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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