I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
im having a threesome with these popsicles
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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