Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
