Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
