I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
