4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
