im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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