What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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