But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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