I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
