I accidentally had phone sex last night
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
