K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
