He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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