Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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