I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
