upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
