So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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