I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Boobs are out for the taking
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
