You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
