Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
