My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
