Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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