I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
