I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
