we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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