can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
