At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
